To answer this question, we tracked down the world’s greatest experts on the sport. And when none of them would return our calls and e-mails, we quickly got frustrated, gave up and instead, came across this, a collection of 30 incredibly patriotic women, all in their home country’s body paint.
So while we’ll leave the soccer handicapping up to others, do you really mind?
1. There’s so much love coming out of Argentina right now. She loves her home country and soccer, and well, we love her. The baby blue matches, her, umm, eyes, perfectly. Yeh her eyes. Right.
2. Sure this beauty may have drawn her eye brows on with a charcoal pencil, but you weren’t looking at her eyebrows anyways, were you? Besides, if that look can’t get you interested in this year’s World Cup, well we really don’t know what will.
3. Ok, so Canada might not be in this year’s World Cup, but are you going to be the one to her that? And by the way, who knew under all those layers of clothes, Canadian girls had bodies that looked like this?
4. They say that the most beautiful women in the world come from Sweden, and I for one, am not ready to object. Wait, isn’t Tiger Woods wife from Sweden? Maybe it’s best we just move on.
5. My ohh my. I’d like to tell you where this stunning woman is from, but once we made eye contact, well I kind of lost track of what I was I was supposed to be focusing on. My bad.
6. And since nobody objected, let’s just go ahead and look at another picture again. (By the way, Chile is her home country, if you’re interested. Which honestly I know your not. And it’s ok.)
7. You know, I never thought I was the marrying type, but after seeing her, I think a “Big, Fat, Greek Wedding,” might be in my future.
8. The makeup is overdone, and the lip gloss is a little thick, but it’s cool. Besides, usually when girls wear white, we hope and pray for a wet T-shirt contest in the immediate future. Luckily in this case, we don’t even need one.
9. Once again, sweetheart, you can lay off the Estee Lauder. What’s that? I don’t know how I knew about Estee Lauder. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s get to the next girl.
10. That’s better! See. And does it make me a bad person that three pictures in was the first time I noticed her sexy blue eyes?
11. Alright, seriously, you’re cute, we all love you. But you’re hogging the camera, let’s get to the next girl. Please.
12. Maybe it’s the lighting or the angle, but this girl might actually have a lazy eye. Luckily for her, her other “assets,” make up for it. Besides, who are you to judge. Look at yourself!
13. Wow. Somehow, Brazil is still the top ranked team headed into this summer’s Cup, despite the overabundance of beautiful girls like this walking around their country. I’m not quite sure how they focus on soccer to be perfectly honest.
14. Another country that’s a perennial contender is Germany. That’s all. Please excuse me, as I stare with my mouth open for the next minute or so.
15. They say that Mexico’s Azteca Stadium is one of the hardest stadiums in the world to play in because of its high elevation. After looking at this picture, I’m starting to wonder if it’s the thin air that’s making everyone light headed.
16. Speaking of Mexico, here she is again. Did you know that the Mexicans actually drew host South Africa in the first game of the Cup? See, I’m not just here to share beauty, but educate as well.
17. Ohh yeh, the South African’s are definitely in trouble.
18. Did you know that Portugal has maybe the best player in the world on their team, Cristiano Ronaldo? No word on if he’s dating her or not, but I’m just going to throw it out there, your chances aren’t looking very good.
19. What’s that? Less talk, more girls? Ok, easy enough.
20. I know “pull the goalie,” is usually a hockey term, but somehow, I think it’s applicable here too.
21. Is that the same girl or not? Sorry I can’t tell, I lost blow flow to my head and momentarily blacked out after seeing the last slide.
22. Our Portuguese friend here is seriously getting more camera time then her home country probably will in June. Not that I’m complaining.
23. The German girl again? Ok, I can work with this. I just wish she had brought some bratwurst and dark beer though. Would that have been too much to ask?
24. Look, I’m as patriotic as the next U.S. citizen, and this girl is gorgeous, she is. But this is the World Cup! We need a better showing than this.
25. The Italians are the defending Cup champions, having beaten France in the 2006 final. Unfortunately for us, no one on their roster looks like her.
26. You look familiar. Where do I know you from? Oh that’s right, from Slide 2. I’d remember those awful eyebrows anywhere.
27. With the way this girl bends, we can only pray that she gives gymnastics a try sometime in the near future.
28. Or maybe aerobics. Couldn’t you see her in a video, saying, “And a one, and a two.” Of course, as always, clothing would still be completely optional.
29. Sorry, I got lost in those eyes for a second. Forgive me.
30. There isn’t a better way to end, than with this beauty from…wait…where’s she from again?
